Hi Sweetie.
I am so sorry that I could not say this out loud, but instead could only write them. I write them …I write them because if I were to say them out loud … I would break into a million pieces. Scream in rage. And that would be difficult to continue to push through. So write them, I must.
First, as always, know how much I love you. How proud you’ve made me. It wasn’t the things you did right so much as how you handled yourself when things went wrong. When you went wrong but because of it, you became a better person. Know how much I had wished your father had been here to see you grow. He loved you so. I feel as if I failed you somehow by deciding to stay single but that is another letter for a different aspect of life called “love”. I am proud of you for being a really good big brother. Your little brother was born with the term “autistic” but not viewed as different in our house. I taught you to realize that we are ALL different in many ways. I love that you are a compassionate soul at the ripe age of fourteen. Seondly, know that even though I wasn’t perfect; I did strive to be better.
I am sorry that I must place a huge burden upon your shoulders. As we are a small family, you know that you will have to be your brother’s keeper when the time comes. I am so sorry. I will do my very best to stay as long as I can; raise him to be as self-sufficient as possible. But in the end, you know that you will be the one. I weep for it is such a burden to ask someone to plan their life around something they had no choice in.
I write this because I have raised you to be patient with him. I raised you to know how to care for him. I have had to ask for such a thing that no child should have to think about, let alone prepare for. I write this because I feel incredibly shitty for having to plan that my youngest won’t be able to live on his own. This breaks my heart but still must be done.
Lastly, know that I love you both. Know that if you stumble and fall when I am gone … your brother will have your back. I have raised him with the same premise that he must take care of you when I am gone. I love you both more than air itself.
Love you always,
mom
stuffinmybrain44 
It always amazed me how my daughter always stood up for her brother, through the embarrassment, the laughter, but there were the good times. My daughter graduates soon from college and is going into nursing. I think it’s that nurturing they learn at a young age. Best wishes to your family. It is a beyond the grave journey, just glad God is there all the way.
They both amaze me. I feel blessed to have them but as a mom … or any parent, really … you want your kids to be able to leave the nest and live their own lives. Yet, a part of me has to plan for the “what if” part. It makes you feel guilty for having to think that way but that is the reality of autism. I try to keep within the day.